


Grief

by texting_fangirl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), griefing Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9616205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texting_fangirl/pseuds/texting_fangirl
Summary: Set directly after the end of the 57th Scouting Mission, the Survey Corps retreat behind Wall Rose greatly diminished in size and most injured.The Reader takes notice of Captain Levi's state, visits him in his room to tend to the sprained ankle and is confronted with the inevitable grief of a person who avoids emotions at best.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the outcome of the 57th Scouting Mission,  
> hinting at the deaths of various people close to Levi.

Soft clouds on a pale blue sky.

A light breeze entering the opened window, swivelling through the small room behind it.

Gently bouncing off wooden furniture, winding around two leather boots and then spiralling up and outside, back into endless freedom again.  
A sigh followed it.

A knock interrupted the mindless state he was in.

“Who’s this?” He asked dryly, keeping his eyes trained on the foot of the table across from where he was sitting.  
“Captain, it’s me, ______, Sir.”  
His mind needed a while longer than usual to progress the information until the given name sparked something somewhere and he got pulled back. “Yes, come in.” 

His view faded off out of the window into the distance again, drooping eyes not giving a clue how his insides looked. Always so distant.  
A part of you admired this ability, being so nonchalant, everything seemingly not worth of his attention.  
A different part knew this ability was just a mask to hide behind, that it would sooner or later also latch on to you, that it was something born from witnessing countless deaths, murder and unexplainable horrors, trauma, experienced throughout time.  
“What do you want?” He managed to ask, still no tone in his voice. _Would there ever be one again?_  
“Captain, Sir, I noticed you sprained your ankle after we arrived back inside the Gate. I’d like to offer assistance.”  
Dull blue eyes jumped up to where you stood at the end of the bed he was sitting on, interested by your level of attention. He had made best efforts to coat the discomfort walking was causing him. A few bandages and a small pot were held in your hands.  
“Fine.” He waved a hand. 

You nodded once and closed the door behind you, coming back to his position afterwards. Only then did you see how low the mood of the Captain must have dropped.  
His state of clothing was concerning.  
The white cravat had been carelessly thrown on the table, his jacket hung from the chair in front of it. A good part of his chest was visible by the unbuttoned shirt.  
It hurt your soul to see him like this, hiding away in a room while doing everything to try to lighten and free himself.

You quietly moved over and sat down in front of him.  
“Can you remove your boot? How much does it hurt when you put weight on it?” Your view was trained on the area that caused problems, hands busy unscrewing the lid of the pot and missed the fleeting look on the Captain’s face.  
“Not... much.” He said, watching how you freed his foot from the harness and rolled up the leg of his pants.  
His hands clenched the linen of the bed as you gently ran your fingertips over the swollen area.  
It didn’t slip your attention. “Apologies, Sir.” You mumbled while applying crème. Trying to be as gentle as possible you spread the slightly cold ointment over his ankle and rubbed the remainders into the skin surrounding the spot.  
The eyes of the Captain unfocused and stared into nothingness while you worked away.

At one point he felt you lifting his leg ever so slightly and something being wrapped around his foot but he had lost interest.  
After a while without further action his view drifted back to your person, still kneeling on the floor before him.

Your eyes were heavy and sad but still not leaving his face.  
He breathed in after the burning feeling in his chest reminded him he needed to.  
He broke the connection and repositioned himself, elbows now resting on his knees and chin placed on his folded hands.  
You shuffled a bit yourself, resting your back against the bed’s frame.  
Both of you remained silent as you stared at the opposite wall, tracing patterns in the wood.

Pictures flashed in the back of your head, the intense smell of trampled herbs and pines still lurking in the back of your throat. It all played out as if you’d have seen it from far away; The shock, fear, panic faded and only the memory of those emotions being felt remained. You hugged your legs to your body.  
For a moment the world went quiet and all you could hear were your heartbeat and the Captain’s erratic, shallow breathing.

After a bird flew past the window it felt like someone had kicked you back into rational, conscious existence. With a suppressed groan you got up from the cramped, uncomfortable position on the floor besides the Captain’s legs.  
“I’ll be taking my leave now, Sir.” You pointed out unnecessarily. “If you need anything...”  
Supplies gathered and almost ready to go you turned around one last time.

His head hung low, hands no longer supporting it but limp, shoulders lost their stance, his whole body radiated dismal, suffering and pain. His back rose and fell with broken breaths.  
“Captain?” 

The soft voice reached him through the haze that was currently clogging his head, he looked up but didn’t see you. Deep green was all he could see, spotted with yellow.  
He felt himself giving in, letting the feeling all of this was pointless wash over him, threatening to drown him. Realization sunk in.  
He had lost his anchor in the world.

He didn’t hear the steps coming back from the door, he only half realized the person in front of him. His mind flinched at a hand being placed on his wrist.  
Absently he turned his arm over so his hand pointed upward, seemingly to encourage further action. He looked down on it and still didn’t see it.  
The hand that had been touching him wrapped around his fingers, smaller than his and still so much warmer.

It was too painful.  
His chest was too tight, he couldn’t breathe right. _If he’d just be able to breathe better..._  
His free hand tugged on the buttons of his shirt, fumbling to open them further. A different hand slid under his harness and took a weight from his shoulders he had grown accustomed to.  
Suddenly there was a fresh wind blowing into the chamber.

He could breathe again.

He fell forward, blinded by the heavy feeling in his chest burning its way upward, up and out, out, _out._  
His forehead met with something, something softer than wood and stone. He opened his mouth for a silent scream and reached out with his hands, finding shoulders, your back, and clinging to the fabric.  
The sobs shaking the Captain’s body were too powerful to make a sound, all the while hot tears soaking the shoulder of your jacket.  
He breathed in a few times again, inhaling air like he was suffocating before a new wave of pain hit.  
Arms held him together, kept him close to something he could hold on to for the moment.

-

The outburst of emotions slowly subsided. An eerie feeling and the taste of copper washed over his senses.  
For the first time he was aware of his position; Bend forward, his cheek resting on a wet patch of your shoulder, his arms tightly wrapped around your smaller form. His lips were wet with saliva and blood. He must've bitten his lip at one point.

As you felt how he began to take in his surroundings more active again you gently pulled back and sat down on your legs.  
Your knees were screaming from kneeling on the raw wooden floor for such a long time but you ignored that pain.  
“Captain Levi.” Titles kept a formal distance and reminded him how he just broke this invisible barrier the two of you had kept between each other.  
He sat up straight and avoided eye contact.  
Instead he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wipe away the wetness.  
A tissue reached his field of vision; He took it and tried to dry the treacherous salt water off him as soon as possible.  
He blinked a few times and then finally looked up to your now standing form in front of him.  
Your view was uncertain, eyes flickering like fire, but your feet were firmly planted on the ground.  
“Captain, I’ll be taking my leave now. If you need something, you know where to find me.” You swallowed.

You didn’t expect him to show gratitude for what you did, whether his ankle nor the given comfort, but it didn’t matter. As long as Levi knew he could trust you with something like this it was enough.  
Before you reached the door you took off your brown uniform jacket and folded it to hide the wet patch that stretched almost completely over the shoulder. Luckily the thick fabric had soaked up everything and your shirt underneath had been left untouched.  
Your fingers wrapped around the doorknob when a hoarse voice rose up.

“______ ... I appreciate your help in taking care of my ankle.” He brought out.  
You paused, head turning sideways but not looking back.  
“You’re welcome, Captain.” You answered in a warm voice, silently agreeing on not sharing anything that happened inside this room.

 

The door closed and Levi lay back on the mattress.  
Something reflected the sun outside and threw a bright spot on the ceiling, the hot air visibly dancing.  
A calm, almost content feeling settled in his chest, right into the smouldering hole grief had left. It still hurt but he was able to see past that now.

He slowly blinked and ran his fingertips over the smooth fabric of the bed sheets, allowing himself to recall the memory of holding your jacket between them.  
Almost instantly he cut it off, the loss of his comrades too fresh to let something like affection even close to him.  
And still, in his heart, Levi Ackermann was grateful it had been you who had come to tend to his ankle, that it had been you to keep him company and that it had been you who had kept watch over him as he couldn’t think straight.

Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he trusted you.


End file.
